A Glutton's Lament

This poem had been just a single line for quite a while and I couldn't get the hook to do the rest. then I heard the brilliant John Shuttleworth's "Mingling with mourners" (listen here) and that did the trick. This isn't me - honestly! - it's that voice inside me that I think we all have and which most can keep under control most of the time. The greedy, selfish, apethetic voice that is the scourge of humanity.

A Glutton's Lament

When you're invited to a funeral
And then on to the wake
Do you wonder what the food's like?
Will they have chocolate cake?

When you get there how quickly
Is it socially allowed
To dive into the buffet
To beat off the starving crowd

You'd rather it be someone else
That started the stampede
The respectful yet hurried shuffle
To get stuck into their feed

If it's a stingy family
Who'd rather keep more cash
For themselves than spend it
On a decent funeral bash

Then make sure that you're in early
Pick out the decent nosh
Chicken legs, vol-au-vents
Anything that's posh

If there's lots of oldies
Their appetite's not great
You might get round for seconds
Fill up another plate

But if you've got a family
That's picked a good supplier
A massive spread with loads of stuff
then pile your bowl up higher

"Yes, Auntie Jane, it's very sad"
You say between each chew
You're eyeing up the cheeseboard
the Stilton, Blacksticks Blue...

Then when everybody's gone
The last few mourners left
There's sandwiches aplenty
Do you think it's really theft

To take a little extra
To have for later on
When you're sat watching telly
With your pyjamas on 

Then you remember you need something
that will your supper snare
You really, really, really wish
you had some Tupperware

(c) Tim Fellows 2017